If your week looks like one of these, you already know which part of it you hate. Here is what changes - and, further down, the four kinds of business this is the wrong answer for.
Leaks at seven in the morning, three people wanting a price on the same day, and a van that is slowly filling up with receipts.
All three get an answer while you are still under the floor, and the receipts are filed by the time you are home.
Salons, barbers and clinics
Booking requests by text at all hours, people cancelling the night before, and the same six questions about prices and parking.
Every request is read back and put in front of you to confirm, and the six questions answer themselves from then on.
Cleaners, gardeners and maintenance
Quotes given from a photo, customers moving from weekly to fortnightly by text, and prices that go quiet without a yes or a no.
The quiet ones get chased without you having to feel pushy, and nothing gets lost between one house and the next.
Photographers, videographers and makers
Enquiries about dates eighteen months out, and long threads about exactly what is and is not included.
Dates and prices always stop and wait for you. Everything else is answered in your words while you are still editing.
Therapists, coaches and practitioners
First enquiries that need a careful, human reply, and cancellations at very short notice.
Nobody is left waiting on an answer, and anything touching somebody's care comes straight to you rather than being answered for you.
Driving instructors and tutors
Parents asking about availability, prices, and how many hours it is going to take in the end.
Answered from what you said once, so you are not typing the same three paragraphs out again on a Sunday night.
Small agencies and consultancies
Proposals that go quiet, invoices that go unpaid, and a lot of polite chasing that nobody in the building wants to do.
Both get chased on a schedule, in a tone that does not cost you the client you were chasing.
Anyone with two or three on the books
Two or three of you half-watching the same inbox, and things falling down the gap because each of you assumed the other had picked it up.
One place things get forwarded to, and one answer that goes out. Nothing is answered twice and nothing is answered by nobody.
When you should not bother
Four honest ones. If any of these is you, you will get more out of closing this page than out of the call.
You get two or three enquiries a month
Then you can answer them yourself in less time than the setup call takes, and £99 a month is money you should keep in your pocket.
You need a phone answered while it is ringing
Everything here happens in writing. If a ringing phone is the thing driving you mad, what you want is a telephone answering service, and it is not this.
Your replies have to carry regulated advice
Legal, medical and financial answers come from you or from whoever is qualified to give them. Anything like that is handed straight back, which is not much use to you if it is most of your inbox.
You want somebody sitting in your office
This is not a person you employ and it is not pretending to be one. It is your admin handled for £99 a month, and if what you actually need is a hire, hire somebody.
Before you ask
Questions people ask first
I am not a trade - is this still for me?
If you get enquiries, take bookings and collect receipts, yes. Salons, cleaners, gardeners, therapists, photographers, small agencies and one-person consultancies all fit.
My business does not look like any of these
Then ignore the trade and ask the simpler question: do you get enquiries, take bookings and collect receipts? If two of those three are true it fits. Ask on the call and you will get a straight yes or no, including a no.